Influential Exclamation Point Leaves the Struggling Bush Campaign In Yet Another Shakeup.
MIAMI, Fla. — As another sign of decline within the sputtering Jeb Bush Republican presidential campaign, the Exclamation Point from the Jeb! logo says he’ll be stepping down from his role as Sole Point of Excitement. But according to a Bush spokesperson, Bush wanted to shrink the size of his Miami campaign operations and cut the punctuation mark.
As the one-time front runner fails to gain traction amid tumbling poll numbers, this will be the third cut in staff and salaries enacted by Bush. “The Exclamation Point was a hefty salary we could no longer justify,” says Danny Diaz, campaign manager. “We appreciate his efforts and what he brought to the campaign,” he continues “but we feel a better use of resources can best position Jeb as someone you can get excited about.” Kristy Campbell, campaign spokeswoman said, “Essentially, he’s been edited out.”
According to the punctuation mark, he’s departing to field other campaign opportunities. “Cruz, Trump and others have been courting me, but I’ve put them off till now as a show of loyalty to Jeb,” he claims. “I understand they have to position it that I was cut. They’re good people, I’ll miss them. So I’ll just leave it at that.”
Asked if the Rubio campaign was also a suitor, he responds, “Absolutely not. I like Marco, but he has three syllables in his name. So what’s the point?” he gestures with hands splayed out. “By time you get through the third syllable, I’ll have little impact. But with a Cruz or a Trump – BAM! – I’m relevant. I bring game. I only work with monosyllabic candidates. I have to.”
Worried donors say privately that they’re concerned with falling poll numbers, particularly with the Iowa and New Hampshire primaries fast on the horizon. “I think a shakeup’s good. It gets everyone back on edge and moving forward. Punctuation will only get you so far and the ‘low energy’ thing really hurt.” says an unnamed donor. “And Jeb has outspent all his competitors combined and then some. The little mark’s not making, well… a mark, if you will.”
Still, many inside the beltway question if the Exclamation Point truly pulled his weight or if there was little, if anything, he could’ve done to create the perception that Jeb is somehow exciting. “Look, I had a job to do and I think I did it. I’m a punctuation not a magician.”
Jerry Sisti
Jerry Sisti is a frequent contributor to His Own Amusement.
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