YOU WON’T HAVE O’REILLY TO KICK AROUND… WAIT — O’Reilly’s Talking Points Meltdown.


O’Reilly stops Inapplicable Analogy Mid-sentence During Talking Points Memo Meltdown.

NEW YORK, NY — Realizing he was making an inapplicable analogy, Bill O’Reilly twice stopped himself mid-sentence and angrily cut to a commercial while commenting on Jon Stewart’s retiring from The Daily Show.

The cable host began his Talking Points Memo segment saying, “You won’t have O’Reilly to kick around…,” then stopped mid-sentence saying, “Wait,” as it dawned on him that Jon Stewart was retiring and he was not, thus rendering his analogy structure nonsensical.

A befuddled looking O’Reilly then resumed with, “You won’t have Stewart to…,” stopping himself once again. Appearing to grow angry and flustered, the host yelled, “F____(expletive) it! We’ll do it live!”

Red-faced and grimacing, O’Reilly paused for another second and signaled “cut” by jerkily swiping his index finger in a cutting motion across his throat. The program immediately cut to a commercial as the host of the political commentary program, The O’Reilly Factor on the Fox News Channel, angrily hurled a stack of papers across his desk while pulling the microphone and wire from his jacket.

Off camera, a faint voice could be heard saying, “But we are live.”

The well-known and oft-quoted catchphrase, was made famous by the 37th president of the United States, Richard Nixon. Addressing the press after losing the 1962 California governor’s race, Nixon said, “You won’t have Nixon to kick around anymore.”

The phrase has long since been appropriated by many for comic effect, signifying that the person inserting their own name in place of Nixon’s, will no longer be around to be picked on or derided.

But in the case of Mr. O’Reilly, it was he that was the object of Jon Stewart’s derision, although it was Stewart who would no longer be around.

This appears to be the source of O’Reilly’s confusion.

The host of Comedy Central’s The Daily Show announced his retirement from the show during its taping Tuesday evening.

No one is really sure of the point that O’Reilly intended to make. Especially, when considering that it was Stewart who regularly lampooned the cable host of The O’Reilly Factor and that Mr. O’Reilly has expressed no intention of retiring soon.

Many surmise that in his moment of elation over Stewart’s retirement, O’Reilly inadvertently blurted out something he might say while announcing his own retirement. A producer, requesting to remain anonymous, said, “I think Bill was so excited about the news, that he um… uh, he really didn’t think it all the way through.”


Jerry Sisti
Jerry Sisti is a frequent contributor to His Own Amusement.

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